It's been another really difficult week. The depression is manifesting itself really strongly. I have little desire to do anything, yet I still have to prepare lessons and teach them every day. Some friends are planning to go to Guatemala for Thanksgiving break, and I know I should go, but really don't have any desire to. I'm struggling to find motivation to do anything. I'm once again flirting (more than flirting, really) with the idea of staying home after Christmas. If I'm having such trouble, it seems foolish to go to my home, the center of love in my life, and then leave it again. It would be so much easier, I feel, to get myself better there.
It's starting to manifest itself in the form of crying and whatnot lately, as well. I'm a crier in general, but I really haven't done much while I've been down here. This week I have been.
With God's grace, I will have a doctor's appointment this evening. Oh, I hope he can do something for me. I know people who have certainly had much more crippling depression than what I must be going through, but this right now is shit anyway.
It's a lot of work to keep reminding myself it's not my fault. That and sleep take up much of my time these days. (I was in bed by 8 last night.)
Monday and Tuesday I received many pieces of love from people back home and down here. It made a big difference, but unfortunately only momentarily. This stuff is tenacious. Still, I thank you all once again for your prayers and thoughts and words of encouragement.
I wish this blog could be the varied, exciting, picture-filled thing I'd envisioned it to be, but nonetheless I'm glad it exists as a means of mass communicatin'.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment